Drinking Song

I do not cheer for wine or beer
or liquids of that ilk,
but I'm a sucker when it comes
to creamy mother's milk.

I find vermouth and gin uncouth
and never touch a drop,
but take a dug and fill my mug,
I find it hard to stop.

Though scotch or rum appeal to some,
the drink I most enjoy
is what I sipped the day they snipped
my cord and cried, "A boy!"

In Spain sangría may just be a
way to end one's funk,
but tell your padres it takes madre's
milk to get you drunk.

Robert Schechter

This was an entry for a Spectator competition requesting a teetotallers' drinking song, but was possibly too strong a brew for the adjudicator.

If you have any comments on this poem, Robert Schechter would be pleased to hear them.