Two Imaginary Sonnets

A homage to and imitation of  Eugene Lee-Hamilton (1845 to 1907), whose  Imaginary Sonnets condensed dramatic monologues into the form of a sonnet.

Lucrezia to Lucretia

Addressed from Lucrezia Borgia to the mythical Lucretia written of in Livy.

I cannot comprehend you, Perfect Wife,
Thou tragic, mirrored homonym of myself
Who placed on purity what I place on base pelf
And power—yours in death, but mine in life.
A princess to a princess—love is war,
And sex a duel you must stand victor of;
A Roman to a Roman—war is love:
In ecstasy the mob at Tarquin tore.
He did not seem to care you wore a ring.
(None ever do, you know.) A pretty thing!
Mine’s subtler, though it shines up if you clean it:
See, here the stone, and here the secret hatch,
And here the hidden hinge, and here the catch—
Or is it there? Most men have never seen it.

John Searle Zu Seinen Kreugenfangenwärter

(After a thought experiment in Searle’s 1969 monograph Speech Acts)

Wenn gingt er Schwohl, und wann ab Schwohl es geht,
Mann klugt bewahn, zu glieben an dem Wies’
Und weder nach ein paar Zusaußen hiß
Komm’ nicht der Schwann, sich noch Beträumenhät;
Betraume—! Glickt versiegt die Hommeldt an!,
Wo gläch den Öser, kregt mit Sturp und Voh,
Ausbremischhopfenklängelt als der Gann
Und schrockt ihr tschicherwort zusaftenwo.
Ehrträulischen vohr Greizig—archisten
Wie tortisch Kannings in der Kreu begrot’
Tÿp grah blei treppisch: waren öper Blott
Dann schmok’ die Zappen alles von hiß, wenn
Wie auf dem Bleck vom mir und Ihn geschwühn:
Kennst du das Land wo die Zitronen blühn?

Author's Note: Yes, this is a nonsense poem. I tried to make it scan as believably German to a non-German-speaking eye [tongue?], in keeping with Searle’s gedankenexperiment, which was a critique of Grice’s intentional model of semantics. Also I just love nonsense verse, and convincing doubletalk in a foreign language à la Danny Kaye is surprisingly challenging.

Daniel Galef



Eugene Lee-Hamilton as a young man.

If you have any thoughts on these sonnets, Daniel Galef would be pleased to hear them.