What will cause the most pain?

To away-day from his weak arms,
be intimate with a no-strings lover,
find brief affection with another –

return home, revived,
satisfied and a little settled,
at least for a while.

Or should I remain, promise-true,
frustrated, restricted to lying
in his celibate sick-bed?

After he is gone, I may have years
to plumb regrets

for now, I have to find a way
to carry on and care and smile,
unanchored by my body’s needs.

Each day I struggle, ask for strength
to love him, nurse him –

and afterwards to find a way
to feed   an undernourished me.

What will cause the least pain?

Ceinwen Haydon