And Troy, The Great City, Burned


The Burning of Troy (Flemish School)

Hecuba had the dream but Cassandra had the vision
to see its meaning: Troy would burn because of Paris.
A wise decision then, Priam’s, to turn him out to die on Ida.
I’d’ve done the same.

But nuzzle-me-nuzzle, the bear began to suckle,
and the mite lived to thrive in the house
of that old old softee Agelaus, glad to be alive
now he’d got himself a son, found himself a dad.

Bad! Bad! Bad!
He should have left the wee lad with the ursus!
For Paris could have done a lot worse
and will. Turns out to be a bloody curse.

For the nonce, he’s happy down on the farm
and up on the hills with his flocks, tending.
Till one day round the bend in the track come tripping
Hera, Athena and Aphrodite for a spot of
Who is the fairest of them all.
Zeus, the flippin’ nuisance, has lit a slow-burning fuse.
He’s sent them off with a cox’s orange pippin to be given
to the most bonny of the three. And blow me
if he hasn’t chosen our soon-to-be-infamous
farm boy to do the judging!

In this contest to be the hottest goddess, the three lovelies
 -one eye on the apple and the other on the next cover of Vogue-
offer Paris power, sex and violence respectively.
Weary of his sheep, he not unexpectedly chooses
the sex he will soon be having with Miss Ancient World.

Back in Troy at a later but unspecified date, Paris
shows he’s got balls when it comes to his bulls,
beating all-comers to win one back.
Cassandra cottons on, again: it’s the long-lost son!
Priam and Hecuba, simultaneously going down with amnesia,
welcome back into the bosom of Troy’s favourite family
the son they had abandoned in the car park at Knutsford Services.

Prince Paris soon works moves to get an invite to the house of Menelaus,
Spartan spouse of the soon-to-be-smitten-by-our-former-Eddie Grundy lookalike
-and-promised-in-exchange-for-an-apple Helen.

Ten years later, the combined fire services in Asia Minor can’t get the flames under control.

Glenn Hubbard

If you have any thoughts on this poem,  Glenn Hubbard would be pleased to hear them.