Melissa, glowing prettily after half an hour's light housework, makes herself a cup of tea and settles in front of her favourite daytime talkshow. At which Denise, Queen of Daytime, shimmies purposefully through the screen and begins to sing:
The Daytime Song
Look at me! Watch me watch me watch me! Look at me, enjoy my grief. Look at me and feel relief That it's not you - so do Listen and I'll have you captured, Quite enraptured by my story. Feel vicarious delights As you share my tacky glory Underneath the TV lights. I'm psychotic but I'm coping I'm the love-child of a duke I survived a vicar's groping I'm bulimic - watch me puke Look at me!
Kissing brings me out in blotches My man covers me in jam When I shower my neighbour watches Mother made me what I am Look at me I'm the universal victim I'm allergic to my thong I loved my baby but I kicked him I am blonde and proud and strong Look at me!
Lucky beans cured my diseases I defied the incest ban I took heroin for Jesus Actually I'm a man Look at me!
George Simmers
If you've any comments on this song, George Simmers would be pleased to hear from you.