The
Modern Fundamentalist's Song
Fundamentalist:
I am the very model of
a Christian fundamentalist
And by a strange
coincidence a solid occidentalist.
I cherry-pick the
Bible for the verses close or distantly
Amenable to straight
white males, however inconsistently,
Unless those verses
might apply a little inconveniently
In which case I
interpret them a good deal more than leniently.
We want to do just
what we please however strange or horrible
And still regard
ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.
Congregation:
We want to
do just what we please however strange or horrible
And still regard
ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.
And still regard
ourselves as wholly moral and adorable.
Fundamentalist:
I call myself a
Christian but it's really Paulist cultery
Since Christ himself
has said that my divorces were adultery.
But I from man to man
enjoy convexness and concavity
And call whatever
others do immoral and depravity.
Congregation:
But we from man to man
enjoy convexness and concavity
And call whatever
others do immoral and depravity.
Fundamentalist:
I do not want to hear
about the quantum or molecular
Or how the Founding
Fathers made our institutions secular
I say the nation's
Christian under Biblical authorities
Rejecting what the
Constitution says about majorities.
The workings of the
government may worry and perplex you all
I say we're equal
under God - unless you're homosexual -
Or black or brown or
female or some kind of evolutionist
For all attempts at
reasoning are really persecutionist.
Congregation:
Or black or brown or
female or some kind of evolutionist
For all attempts at
reasoning are really persecutionist.
Fundamentalist:
My freedom of religion
trumps your Constitutionality
Because the
Constitution says it does with firm legality.
I claim my rights from
God or man, whichever's more commodious
For what I want to do
however evil, vile, or odious.
Congregation:
I claim my rights from
God or man, whichever's more commodious
For what I want to do
however evil, vile, or odious.
Fundamentalist:
When I can issue
licenses or not because I feel like it
The public's just my
piggy and the public can just squeal like it.
I'll happily apply
whichever law is most agreeable
To what I want to do
since what I want is unforseeable:
The conscience of the
person must control the way they view their job
And not demands that
public servants ought to serve and do their job.
The Constitution's
man-made law and God is not endorsing it;
The SCOTUS made their
law, and now good luck to them enforcing it.
Congregation:
The Constitution's
man-made law and God is not endorsing it;
The SCOTUS made their
law, and now good luck to them enforcing it.
Fundamentalist:
There's nothing in my
creed that advocates for love officially
Except some quotes
that God and Jesus handed down judicially -
I don't see why I must
obey the acts of which God sent a list
And yet I am the model
of a Christian fundamentalist.
Congregation:
We don't see why we
must obey the acts of which God sent a list
And yet we are the
models of a Christian fundamentalist.
Marcus Bales
If you have any comments on this poem, Marcus Bales would be
pleased to hear from you.