Stan's Inbox
To: Stan
From: Penny
Subject: Got you!
  I’ve been to the Registrar, looked at the list
of births, deaths and marriages. And — as I guessed —
the lovely Natalia doesn’t exist.

A pity. She offered such excellent grist
to your fantasy mill. I was almost impressed
but I’ve been to the Registrar, looked at the list

and he told me himself you were probably pissed
and lonely, and more than a little obsessed.
Natalia doesn’t (and didn’t) exist

except in your head (the ‘Mrs’ you missed?)
You made her up, Stanley, along with the rest.
I’ve been to the Registrar, studied the list

she’s not on. So for once, could you try to resist
the temptation to fib? It's time you confessed
that Estonian Whatserface doesn’t exist.

You got married just once—to ME. Now desist
from making things worse. A woman knows best:
Natalia (‘Natters’!?) could never exist
in anyone’s registry. Pen checked the list….

p.s.

Fancy a coffee now Nat-brat’s gone west?
Or are you too terrified these days to trust
a cosy wee tryst
with the last and the first—
and the best?